This is it.

I can still feel the hard cracked surface that I’m sitting on, there – on the bleachers just inside the gym.  I’m back in junior high and the anticipation two-stepping in my stomach and twitching my fingers can hardly be contained.  It must have been the last day of school or something equally festive for me to have had the chance to bring my camera.  You see, that’s why I remember the feel of those bleachers and where exactly in the gym I was perched.  My camera.  I don’t remember when I got it as a gift from my parents, but it was my first serious camera (albeit a 35mm point and shoot), and this was my first event to capture the excitement and anticipation that drummed through the whole student body (yes, it must have been the last day of school!).  This was the first moment I remember wanting to be good at photography.  I knew I loved it, but for my parents to have recognized something in me and invested in me with that camera meant oh-so-much.  I mean, come on! That camera even had a zoom feature!

And now, here I sit again; I’ll probably remember this moment, too – back against the side of my bed, the sound of a mower in the background, blue ink drafting these thoughts in my idea notebook…  I’m a professional photographer.  There. I said it.  Well, I wrote it, which carries a lot more weight for me.  I have dared to trust in those surrounding me, who love me and believe in me.  I am taking a deep breath of courage to believe I am who God says I am.  I am doing this.  I am opening my photography business.

But it’s not about the business.  It’s about connecting the dots of all my experiences, gifts, strengths, and personality up to this point to learn how to live unfurled.  I have lived most of the last decade overseas.  I saw more of the world and definitely more of what a creative, loving, and awe-inspiring God I serve.  I have learned another language, extended my family via teammates, and even came to tolerate spicy food.  I have lived through war and peace.  And I got trapped in survival mode.  I lost my confidence and creativity being there (in survival mode) for too long.  We came back to the States last summer for a year of rest and engaging the local church in missions.  Six months later I found that I still hadn’t crawled my way out of survival mode.  I was living clenched – my dreams, my body, my expressions.  Christ came so that we have life and have it abundantly, and I was not experiencing abundant life.

Our family made the decision together to prolong our time in the States so that I may learn how to live in the Lord’s abundance again – to live unfurled.  And so I am gathering up all of my experiences, passions, and gifts and presenting them to the Lord through this new business, me & GRACE, because apart from God’s grace I could do none of this and would have no hope of living unfurled.

Here is where I will photograph, I will write, I will create.  Here is where I will live unfurled.